I arrived from a long day of travel to find Mom unconscious. I had left her to go back to LA just 2 days before…she had been weak 2 days ago…but coherent. This was the third time I had been called home to say goodbye to my Mother but I knew this time was different. I knew this was the last time.
My oldest sister, Debbie, and Dad were there when I arrived at midnight. My other sister, Karen came shortly after. They had been taking turns staying up with Mom. Dad went to bed just after I got there and I convinced Debbie to take an Ativan so she could get some rest and a couple hours later, she succumbed to sleep. Karen and I were left up with Mom. As Karen thumbed through photo albums, I sat in the rocking chair next to her and read The Diary of Anais Nin aloud. It was the part where Anais volunteers during the California fires of 1953. I remember it well because the Malibu fires had just been put out and we commented about how strange that was. We were giving Mom sublingual medicines of all sorts every hour.
At 5AM Mom opened her eyes and her breathing changed. Karen and I went to her.. I was petting her hair and talking to her, Karen was holding her hands and crying. Her breathing was very erratic and we were scared. Only a few moments went by before I ran to get Debbie up. Dad must’ve heard us because he got up too. I ran back to Mom and in moments we surrounded her .. me again at her head petting her hair and face, my sisters and Dad at her hands. I leaned in and put my tearstained cheek against her velvety soft cheek and told her “we love you and it’s okay … it’s okay if you need to go.” Only five hours after my arrival, my Mother took her last breath.
We stayed by her side until they took her body away; each of us expressing our love to her, to each other, and saying our final goodbyes to the most important woman we’ve ever known.